Aidpage

`cold sleeping in truck no gas truck needs( battery? ) 60 year old female have 2 find safe places 2 park at nite

I really unloaded a LOT! (See below) I had so much to say, I really never got to the point.  Please see the bolded portion of my story.  The basis of my need is help paying the funeral expenses.  Any amount would help.  I'm so strapped right now, I can't pay the bills due for October and November's bills will be due shortly.  My SSI check isn't much and I just can't make it on this alone.  My back is really giving me a lot of trouble, especially now that the season is changing.  It's damp, chilly, and I can feel where the surgery was and some arthritis too. 

My sister has never had to struggle for anything, so she doesn't know what it is to WANT.  She prefers to punish me forever for this error in judgment on my part.  I've admitted I was wrong and I'm now trying to pay it back, little by little.  It will take years at the rate I'm going.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel;  only a freight train.  I take two steps forward and five steps back.  I just can't seem to get ahead. 

If anyone can help, it would be so greatly appreciated.  I would be ever in "your" debt.  I would never be able to thank you enough.

_________________________________________________________

My mother passed away on 09/09/09.  She had been residing in a nursing home for nearly two years with renal problems.  She was not on dialysis, nor did she want it.  Her identical twin passed the same way four years January 2011.  I miss her with all my heart.  I talk to her everyday and I ask GOD to let her know I love her and miss her.  My mother was my best friend.  I was able to confide in her the most private things in my life from my childhood to motherhood and beyond.  She was as objective as a mother could be and never gave me bad advice.  She did, however, dote on me.  I've never been independent my entire life.  I don't fault her for it.  She was a mother and wanted a daughter, and I was it.  I didn't do much for myself as a child.  Mom did everything for me.  I tried to be independent in my adulthood during and after my children, but I always went to her for advice, fearing that if I didn't ask her opinion, I may make the wrong decision and regret it for the rest of my life.  I'm still somewhat insecure.  I have a sister who is 10 1/2 years younger than myself and she is very independent.  We are total opposites.  I've had two failed marriages to men who took me down in foreclosure, bankruptcy, and made me feel worthless.  I've had poor judgement and have made poor decisions in my life, for which I am criticized by my sister.  She has gone so far as to discuss her displeasure with me to my sons.  My grandchildren were there to hear her tirade.  She acts as though she has never made mistakes and has never done anything wrong.  She has talked about me to family behind my back, criticizing me among other things.  She is a very jealous person and jealous or envious of me.  I can't understand why.  She has everything she could ever want.  She is a practical nurse and handles insurance and medicare billing for a personal home health care company.  She makes wonderful money and can afford to do whatever and go wherever she wants and buy whatever she wants. She has not invited me to do much with her.  She takes day trips and asks acquaintances to go with her.  Never does she ask me to go.  She flaunts it in front of me, too.  We were visiting a cousin and she suggested that they go to the shore for three or four days.  I was not included.  She prefers to be with her former husband's side of the family than to be with our family.  She has always looked down on all of us.  She has chosen not to spend holidays with all of us, and now that my mother is gone, she and I don't speak because of a gross error in judgement on my part.  My mother's funeral expenses would have almost all been paid, but an emergency arose and I needed it, so the funeral expenses were never paid in full.  When I finally told her,she was livid and hateful toward me.  She treated me like dirt under her feet and insisted that I get the money any way I could and pay this bill.  I was not asking her to help with the expenses, but she said she was half responsible by law to pay half.  I told her it was my responsibility and I was not expecting her to do anything.  The funeral director knew from the beginning that I did not want my sister to know anything about this because she has always had issues with me that she would never discuss to my face.  Some of the bill was paid, but later he decided that I had better tell her about the balance or he would.  He  didn't need to threaten me.  I would have told her anyway.  He just put the pressure on sooner than I expected.  She is now telling people that I am untrustworthy, and I've embarassed her too many times before.  This concerns things during the time my mother resided with me (for two years).  She says she will only surround herself with people she can trust.  She hasn't always been so "lily white" in her lifetiime, and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. She has skeletons in her own closet, but finds fault with me in everything.  Her decision-making leaves a lot to be disired.  Very recently, she had been dating a "gentleman" (I use the term loosely) who made the front page of our local newspaper.  He was one of two or three people who were burglariziing homes in the light of day and he was caught.  How's that for poor judgement?  He told her a story about how he kicked his former wife's door in while in  a fit of rage.  He "knew it was wrong" and he would never do it again.  He was on strict probation and not permitted to go away from his home without permission from his probation officer.  She believed his story and was sure he was telling the truth, when all this time he was involved in criminal behavior.  She would spend weekends at a time with him and go everywhere with him.  I wonder how she feels now.

My sister is very critical, JUDGMENTAL, and a very opinionated person.  She is quick to criticize others and doesn't see herself.  When I would try to carry on a conversation with her, she would always interrupt me.  She doesn't hear anything I have to say, but she will take what I've said and go from there about herself and what she did, where she went, etc.  It's ALL ABOUT HER.  I've never had words with her before, but I knew there would be a falling out between the two of us after Mom passed away.  I was right.  I didn't know what it would be, but I knew it would  happen.  She has always chosen her friends and in-laws over me and my sons.  She thinks she's better than everyone of us.  She is narcisistic.  She has always made me feel like her charity case, never as an equal, and yet, she still seems to be jealous of me.  WHY? 

She hardly every visited my mother, but when she did, everyone had to praise her while she made her grand entrance. She had many issues with my mother from her childhood and thought my mother was never there for her.  I lost a sibling 45 years ago and my mother raised her to be a very independent child.  She was three when my brother was killed and my mother found it necessary to see a child psychologist for her.  She was not raised the same way I was.  would be elated. 

My mother would be so thrilled to see her.  She would often ask me why my sister never came to see her when she only lived less than 1/2 mile away.  I had to borrow a car to visit with her.  My son lived only the equivalent of a few short blocks away and he would see her several times a week.  My sister's son never visited her either. He probably saw her a total of three times the entire time my mother was in the nursing home.  My sister used to talk about my mother to her husband in front of my nephew at an early age to where he had formed "their" opinion of her.  My sister would wait three and four months at a time before she would visit Mom and she felt no guilt about it. My son would visit her several times a week.  He'd feed her, stroke her hair, watch TV with her and hold her hand.  My nephew really doesn't know what he's missed.  He never wanted anything to do with me and still doesn't.  My sister has done the same thing to me that she had done to my mother.  She berated my mother to him and everyone of her in-laws.  He's my GODson and I never see him.  He never calls or comes around at all.  He was led by his mother to be with his father's side of the family and to have nothing to do with his mother's side.  I hope they sleep at night.  My sister's attitude and jealousy will eventually drive her insane.  "Jealousy is the first stage of insanity."

Yes, I made a terrible mistake; one I'm sure my mother would have forgiven me for and I am paying dearly for it.  I talk to my mother each and every day asking her forgiveness.  It was a terrible thing I did,but I'm atoning for it.  I've made many mistakes in the past and I'm sure I'll continue to make more in the future, but they are MY MISTAKES and I will pay for them and answer to the only one WHO matters. My sister is not my keeper, but she thinks she is smarter and just loves to tell people what to do.

The funeral director is being paid.  He's being paid very little once a month, but I was unable to send anything in the past two months.  I get $806 a month and it doesn't go very far at all.  The balance is $6000.  At the rate I'm paying him, it will be many years  before the balance is paid. 

My oldest son was diagnosed four or five years ago with paranoid schizophrenia.  He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him.  He will not get therapy or take medication, so he will go on like this indefinitely.  I mentioned him to the funeral director and what was wrong with him and I'll never forget what he said to me.  His words were, "If you have kooks in your family, I could really give a s--t."  How unkind of him to say that.  It was simply cruel. This was a man I had admired and thought so highly of.  He was very refined and seemed so well suited for the position he held.  I told him so many times, but I will never feel the same way about him after he said that.  I can forgive him, as GOD would want that, but I won't ever forget.

This is what my life has been like over the past few years.  I have three sons, two of whom I can have a normal relationship with.  My oldest son is afflicted with this terrible mental illness and I am powerless to do anything for him.  He's 37 years old; not a child any longer.  I pray for him every day and I ask for your prayers too.

Iwill pray for everyone on this website; those in need and those who are gracious enough to give when they are able, even if it is only prayer or support from others.

I thank you for listening to me.  I have a lot of stories to tell, so I may log on again and give you some more interesting information about my life.  I will also visit others and maybe I can give them insight to their troubles.

Thank you so very much and may GOD BLESS YOU!!!

woeful

Do not believe that your problems are bigger than God's love. Do not believe that you are alone. He knows your dilemas and he wants to bring you comfort. "Be still and know I am God".... that is the message he gave us in Joshua.

Look, I know about struggles, I understand what it means to want to give up. I have been suicidal, addicted, lost, depressed,......... Yes, you are not the only one.

But just realize, that no matter what you are going through, God has the final answer.

Lay down your cross, lay down your addiction, give praise to the Lord.

Those whom put their trust in the Lord will renew their strength.

AMEN

Here it is New Yer's Eve 2008, I am unemployed due to being bullyied at work for 2 years.  I am deseprately grateful that I saw it coming and was able to cut back my speding and save some money to carry me over.  I am desperately terrified of losing my home before I find a job, becasue if I lose my home, I'll die.  i'm 61.  I have a lot to live for.  I have a home, a college dregree, 4 worthwhile children and 1 alcoholic paraside, 2 wonderfully smart grandchildren, and a few friends.  My brother lives far below the poverty line becuaese he chooses to not sell out to the "Establishemnt"  After all, he was a hippy in the 60s.  My sister marriied 2 men who were conformists and hard workers and who provieded hier with 2 beautiful daughters, a luxurie house which she sold and now lives off the money with her retured businessmans boyfiend.  Did I make bad choises?  I got married to an immature irrespinsile S.O.B. who to this day, will not take respbinsibity for his own actions.  The most devastating decision I made was not one I was allowed to make.  I had children.  I had no insruance.  Living way out in the coutrhy (boondocks) I ahd no access to clinics or to doctors or to a pharmacy.  I had no driver's licnse, no car, no bus fare, no money, no checking account.  I was, by definiistion, chattel property.  I was a young mother during the Nixon presidencey.  The lines at the umeployment office were about 4 blocks long.  (I don't know how long they were insdie the buiding.)  Essex County's official unempolument rate was 11%.  Years later, an Economics progessor taught me that the official rate is almostt always one half the real unemployment rate.  Then again, in the 80s, unemployment was up to 5.5% == read 11% again.  Now unemployment is up, due to the impending depression looming over us.  The official rate in my county is 8% == read 16% if you double it like they say to in Econoimcs 101.  I joined Freecycle.com over a year ago to get a few things free so I could save up some money.  I did get a few clothes and a couple pairs of shoes suitable to wear on a job.  (Ffor 20 years I wore medical scrubs.)  I apply for any job I am quaified to do, but when they see that I have a college degree, I get passed over.  Why hire "an old lady" if you can hire a kid out of high school who can lift 100 pounds.  There are no laws against bullying in my state, and I often dream of going somewehre else, like Canada.  I have met so many people in this coutry who hate it here.  They are tired of struggling, tired of being lied to and talked down to, by elected officials, news spokespeople, and their bosses.  We are told that when we die, we will be in "a better place".  This is what Karl Marx meant when he said "Religoin is the opimium of the masses".  Now, it traslates to "sports and beer are the religin of the working class".  I do not want to die.  I don't have helath insurance.  I am also diabetic.  Even if I get health insurance, pre-existing conditions are exempt.  I will, like most working-class Americans, die of an esity and cheaoply treated disease or conditioin, becasue to have universal access to hearltth care would be "Communism", and we can't have that, now can we.  Straw man argement, I say.

Please help me.Im desperate.I am a 50 year old female with a mental disorder and seizures.my income at this time is very low.I am more then willing to make payments to anyone who can just find it in their out to help me out.my heating/cooking gas is off my phone will be off soon .as well as my eleectric.AIm not asking forcharity Im asking for help My food money is gone also I have asked all asst programs avail to me in chicago but all tell me out of funds.I was doing very well but now my depression is overcoming me Please someone help me before its too late I beg you. 

Can someone please help me?I am a mentally disabled female with major financial problems.I am on dissabilaty with a very low income.I recently had my cooking and heating gas shut off soon my phone will be shut off I cannot afford to eat out so i need my gas desperatly.I am in fear of being evicted which is bring me stress.which causes me to have seizures.I have no one to turn to and have tried getting help but ben told that no funds are available.I am willing to pay back anyhelp im given.my illness keeps me inmyhome.please help me or i wont know what will happen next.im not asking for charity imwilling to pay back.not big payments butwhar i can I can afford to pay Pleses if your reding this you cancontact me ar either heyatawin56@aol.com or if thay account is not on carolatawin@aol.com

I've had chronic depression for 3 1/2 years. I'm now 21 years old and living on my own, working with this chronic depression has made it extremely difficult to move forward with my life. I want to go to college like I planned, I want to prepare to be a good mother and wife later in life and debt free. I have rejected credit cards and anything that would put me into debt, but debt found me. I had to go to the ER with medical problems and without medical insurance, I can't pay the bills I owe medically. I made a mistake with my phone bill. A simple one, which unfortunately lots of people have done as well and it's not too high to pay down. $1500 in medical debt and $800 in phone bill to pay off. My parents never had much money and honestly, weren't able to teach me much on how to live on my own successfully. I am struggling to maintain myself financially and mentally. I would like to go on anti-depressants to help me be more successful when I make the effort to put my life back together, but anti-depressants for me are expensive without medical insurance. I don't qualify for medical insurance because they say I'd have to pay $700 to the government to recieve aid. I forget now why, but I can't pay the government $700 to get assistance financially since I'm already in need of financial help. I'm overwhelmed and lost on being independant. Everyday is an emotional ride for me and I'm ready to do what needs to be done to move forward with my life. I've come to the conclusion that I can't defeat my depression on my own. I've tried and struggled against it over and over and it's a fight I keep losing and I fear will continue to lose to if I don't do something about it before it takes over more areas of my life. I need help, something to get me back on the road again.

Hi, my name is Crystal. I'm a 21 year old, single, working, living on my own. I've had chronic depression for about 3 1/2 years now. My parents both work at walmart so they can't help me much financially in any aspect. I tried going to college right out of high school and did okay until halfway through, the room mates I had made it difficult to get school work done, but not just that, working long hours and going to school full time, living on my own, was a killer for me. I've been extremely discouraged to go to college, though I want to get my degree. I've had a very hard time having hope for my life though I'm sure it's not that bad. I want to get on anti-depressants to balance out of my mind. It feels so out of whack. Sometimes reality doesn't feel real and I feel like I'm going crazy. I think that if I got on anti-depressants, the things I do to try and get back on my feet again will help me stay on my feet. I have the motivation at times, but I can't seem to maintain it for long. My moods are up and down constantly, bi-polar if you will. It's been a very long 3 1/2 years struggling with this thing. I want to be well again. I want to be happy again and looking forward to having a family someday with a great husband and wonderful children. I had so many good goals and dreams before this depression came on. It is like a ditch that you just constantly fall into whenever you attempt to stay out. Almost like quicksand..the harder you struggle, the quicker you fall in. I just want to be normal again. The overwhelming emotions of loneliness, hopelessness, despair and fear control most aspects of my life at this point, socially, with work, with family, with myself. If there is anything anyone can do, I would greatly appreciate it. I have come to think that I can't defeat this monster on my own. I need help and I don't really know where to turn to.

Is this really happening to me? In August 28, 2004 my oldest sister had a brain anuerysm while driving, she barely lived through it, I took care of her for months thereafter. Then June 10, 2005 my Daddy died unexpectedly from a heart attack, Feb 6, 2006, my oldest brother Scott hung himself, he asked for me over and over that night, but I couldn't get there in time. On March 1, 2006 I lost my very good job, I couldn't function anymore. On March 7th my only other brother had a brain tumor, he lived through that, but is a real mess now. The depression I feel is unbarable. The Dr. said there is nothing more they can do for me, I'm so lost. I finally got a job, last two months, they fired me for depression, I still have the note. I'm sinking so far into this depression, I find no joy in anything. We have been so blessed up til now. I am a great accountant, but cannot even think straight anymore. I love the Lord and know that somehow He will see me through. Meanwhile I'm losing everything. My car, that my brother co signed for me, the one who took his life, I already lost my house now. So I live with my poor Mom who's heart is so broken as is mine. She is on social security and I'm trying to get it together so I can work and help her. Through all of this pain, I have never gotten mad at God or asked anyone for help. I just keep trying to live. Sometimes I think I live for my Mom, because she couldn't take another loss. She and my Daddy was married for 46 years, almost. He died June 10, their 46th anniversary was June 12th. We buried him on their anniversary. I am in need of money, to help my Mom and not lose my car. The three siblings I have left did not move in with Mom to help her, I was the only one willing. I would appreciate any kind of help. If you can help in any way , small or large, even a walmart card for food would be so much appreciated my address is 1500 Vincent Street, Brownwood, TX 76801 my name is Teresa Burns. If you could help me in anyway, I would be forever greatful. I hope that people do not get on this site and make stuff up, because this reality is all too real for me. I used to laugh all the time, now I just seem to exist. Thank you and bless you!